Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Kenny Rogers, Beard Thief

Though Kenny Rogers claims to have invented the facial hair style known as "beards" back on his Texas ranch in 1984, Death to Kenny Rogers has uncovered evidence that this is also a white lie by the white bearded bastard.











NEED PROOF?

Abraham Lincoln--Beard rocker since 1855.


Rasputin--Beard enthusiast since 1869 (the year of his birth, oddly)



Jesus--Heaven's bearded billboard since year 1.




Mom's new boyfriend--Beardin' since before you were born


Sting--Making beards pretty much irrelevant since forever





Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Kenny Rogers: Serial Adulterer

FACT: Kenny Rogers has officially surpassed Screamin' Jay Hawkins' 75 illegitimate offspring as the musician with the most baby mamas. 

How many broken families has the snow bearded Gambler created as he and his libido roam the planet? According to recent evidence, the number could be in the hundreds.

Need Proof?
Look no further than the website, Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers. Cleverly disguised as a page about gentlemen with a striking resemblance to the Nashville lothario, it clearly proves Rogers has delivered more seeds than Orville Reddenbacher.

Monday, March 28, 2011

What Gives, Kenny Rogers?

Welcome to Death to Kenny Rogers. This is the only blog dedicated to The Gambler's evil ways. I will begin systematically pulling apart the myth of this man, known in devil-worshiping circles as Satan's Songwriter.

WHY? 

Kenny Rogers is the villain of my novel, Black Hole Blues, and he has thusfar refused to read it and comment on his portrayal. This has left me no choice but to unveil the secrets of Kenny's life to the public.

You want proof? Fair enough.

Kenny Fact: Kenny Rogers is a raging drug addict.

Don't believe me? Here is video evidence.