Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Kenny Cartoon Headaches

Seriously, Kenny? We know the cartoon is credited to David Sullivan, but this is so bad it gives us a migraine. Which feels suspiciously like listening to your music.  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

First Episcopal Church of Kenny Rogers

We're pretty sure that's what this image is from. It sort of says, "Come, worship me, for I am thy island in the stream. If thoust fail, thou shall have thine face stuck like the dude on the far left."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Kenny Rogers' Evil Tour Rider

A tour rider is sort of a contract an artist sends to a venue, outlining requirements for sounds systems, lights and backstage amenities. The Smoking Gun apparently got a hold of Whitey's tour rider and discovered some interesting stuff:
So, it's safe to say there will be no Kenny Rogers Roasters served?

Fact: If Kenny doesn't get a deli tray, he turns into a warewolf. So long, front row.

Some other interesting demands the Smoking Gun missed, that we tracked down were:
(6) Vestal Virgins [Preferably women, but narwhals will do].
(1) Full catalog of Kenny's albums, spread on a king size bed.
(4) Orphans. [Kenny is strict that no more than (2) will be cute. The remainder MUST be sad and/or homely].
(1) Adult-sized coffin.
(0) Cloves of garlic.
(0) Wooden stakes. 
(0) Angry villagers.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Kenny's Sex Dungeon for Sale!

According to a CNN/Money story Kenny Rogers is selling his 900+ acre Georgia estate, which features an 18-hole golf course.

However, in the $20 million asking price, they fail to mention some of the other amenities, such as the four-room torture chamber and endangered sea turtle BBQ pit.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Neko Case and My Morning Jacket: Brainwashed

When we heard two of our favorite recording artists, Neko Case and My Morning Jacket, performed a duet, we were overcome with symptoms of what doctors call: butterfly belly. 

However, when we discovered just WHAT they sang, we started looking for the nearest oven to stick our head into.
We've covered Kenny's attempts to brainwash everyone from Johnny Cash, to Elvis, to the Muppets even. But this, this has gone too far.

Our best guess as to how this latest brainwashing happened: Kenny most likely took a break from his latest gig at a riverboat casino and claimed it was his 40th birthday. Hypnotized by his facelift, Jim James and Case accidentally ate one of Kenny's "Special" birthday cupcakes [secret ingredient: Gamblex].