FACT: Death to Kenny Rogers has obtained semi-secret/semi-non-existent papers confirming that Kenny Rogers will be opening his own theme park, Kenny's World.
Humanity should start shivering about now.
NEED PROOF? For one, Dolly Parton has Dollywood, and we all know Kenny never lets Dolly outdo him. Remember that time in '88 when Kenny got breast implants to show her up?
What will Kenny's World be? From what our moles have determined, the park will have rides, games and concession stands focused on Rogers' two great loves: kitten drowning and grandparent disrespecting.