Friday, July 22, 2011

Kenny Rogers Ruined Michael Jackson's Face

[Welcome to the second installment of Plastic Surgery Week here at Death to Kenny Rogers]

FACT: In a jealous rage, Kenny Rogers ruined young Michael Jackson's face.

Need Proof? It was 1986 and the world was Michael Jackson's flower for the picking...that is until a flower with a white beard, cowboy hat and bloodlust met him at the American Music Awards.

In a pairing that would prove to be as disfiguring as the time the Joker's face met Axis-brand chemicals in Tim Burton's Batman, Kenny Rogers first met Michael Jackson. After we did zero research, we learned Kenny's first words to the King of Pop were, "Hi I'm Kenny it's nice to meet...oh, my, does your nose do that on purpose? I know a guy..."

And the rest was a dismal spiral into rubber-faced hell for the both of them.

WHY? Rumors about why Kenny turned Micheal into a walking Nerf ball are many. However, common sense tells us it was because, like most world wars and genocides, Kenny Rogers' jealousy is to blame.

See, Kenny was planning his own album about leather-clad teen gang members who consider themselves "bad" as well. When he heard about Jackson's upcoming record, he vowed to ruin the handsome, natural-faced young star.

The rest, sadly, is history.

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