Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Kenny Rogers Invented Full House

"Good job, me!"
FACT: Kenny Rogers conceived and wrote the regrettable 90s sitcom Full House. His reasoning was initially to fully break the spirit of the American public via lame hockey and styling gel jokes told by 8-year-olds. However, he discovered a more sinister purpose for his TGIF brainwash-a-thon.

Secret documents and rare show outlines obtained by Death to Kenny Rogers prove that Rogers fully knew that encouraging heterosexual single dudes to cohabitate and raise children would ultimately end in tragedy (also known as the Three Men and a Baby Rule).

As we all know, Rogers' evil plans came true when, in 1996, that infant in Buffalo murdered four men.

The blood is on your hands, Gambler.


  1. I heard once that Bob Saget was really just Kenny Rogers in drag. Is that true?

  2. Impossible. Everyone knows Bob Saget had no beard during that show. AND everyone knows Kenny is powerless without his facial fur. Therefore, the two are not one in the same.

    Good effort, though.

  3. Just look to Two and a Half Men for a more modern example. Charlie Sheen = pwned by Kenny Rogers.

  4. You've cracked the Kenny Code, sir. Bravo