Monday, May 9, 2011

Kenny Rogers Brainwashed Elderly Muppets

"Scooter, you look yummy."
FACT: Sometime in the late 70s/early 80s Kenny Rogers met a collection of senior citizen Muppets and tricked them into singing that shanty of sin, The Gambler.

NEED PROOF? At their funeral, Muppet creator, Jim Henson, broke the shocking news that each of the three Muppets did not die of natural causes, but of an acute overdose of the prescription drug Gamblex™ (Side effects include: white facial hair growth, portraying a Wild West card player and uncontrollable vocal emissions loaded with poker advice) in order to kill them.

"Oooh, a buffet."
Death to Kenny Rogers' laboratory recently discovered that Muppets are known to thrive in desolate, cold, water-less environments and taste delicious when covered in Caesar dressing. Further proving that Kenny Rogers intends to colonize Mars for his own benefit, surviving on a diet of plush puppets.





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