Wednesday, May 25, 2011

How the Evil Won a Super Bowl

FACT: The Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback Terry Bradshaw sold his soul to Kenny Rogers in order to win all those Super Bowls in the 70s.


Clearly, Bradshaw realized Kenny Rogers' powers to render opponents, like the Minnesota Vikings, the Dallas Cowboys and Los Angeles Rams, completely limp.

Most likely, this is when Rogers perfected his "Islands in the Stream" tactic. Essentially, Rogers would sing tunes so unmanly to those rough-and-tumble gridiron squads that their testosterone levels would shrivel along with their genitals, setting up an easy win for Bradshaw.

However, as we all know, selling your soul comes at a price. Death to Kenny Rogers has obtained airtight evidence proving, that, in order to keep his beard and hair lustrous, Rogers robs his victims' follicles.  See below:

Before Rogers

After Rogers

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