Monday, April 25, 2011

Kenny Rogers Hates Filipinos

FACT: Kenny Rogers hates the Philippine Islands and its people. 

Call us crazy, but aren't those the flames of Hell?
"Impossible," you say. "Kenny loves all of God's creatures great, small and even vegetarian," you say.

We at Death to Kenny Rogers say, "wrong answer, Chester."


I'm sure we all remember the Kenny Rogers Roasters Revolt of 1998, when North Americans from Saskatchewan to Guadalajara said: "Enough is enough Mr. Gambler, sir." Once it was discovered the Rogers-themed restaurant only used orphan chickens, or worse, dogs wearing chicken costumes, we all banded together and told Rogers to take a hike, effectively ending his reign of poultry terror.

Or did we?

Death to Kenny Rogers has obtained exclusive evidence culled from millions of taxpayer dollars and minutes of Google searching to discover Kenny has focused his laser of roasted evil on our Pacific pals, the Philippines.

Curiously, every Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurant ON THE PLANET is solely located in the Philippine Islands.

Clearly, Filipinos, you must have an untapped mine of Botox or movie producers willing to make a sixth Gambler film. Either way, watch your asses.

FURTHER PROOF: a 9 minute Kenny Rogers Roasters video for the Philippines, curiously recorded in English.


  1. I remember that chicken being pretty good. Maybe not.

  2. Funny, I remember it being full of Malaria and white hair.