Friday, April 20, 2012

The History of Beards

"What's the best part about running an anti-Kenny blog," many people ask.

Easily, it's the cool people who write me. Like Peter Kim, whose graphic design team, Online PhD, created a hilarious history of facial hair.

Bravo, Peter! Kenny would hate this, therefore, we love it.

A PhD in Facial Hair
Created by: Online PhD

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Death of Death to Kenny Rogers?

We've been fighting the good fight for many months, trying to explain how the Gambler is out to steal your soul and brainwash your babies. We've tried convincing people that he'd probably just as much like to eat human flesh as rotisserie chicken.

But, apparently, it was all for not.

Death to Kenny Rogers has obtained exclusive visual evidence that shit is going horribly wrong in this world. Look at all these folks. We're, frankly, losing our will to keep fighting.

Kudos, Kenny. Maybe you can feed us some of your patented Metamucil-Arsenic cocktails next time you swing by our nearest river boat casino.

We still stand behind our apology, though. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

First Annual Kenny Rogers Orphan BBQ

"Roastin' kiddies ain't no different than chickens"

"Don't worry about the location or time, kids. Kenny will find you. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Kenny Cartoon Headaches

Seriously, Kenny? We know the cartoon is credited to David Sullivan, but this is so bad it gives us a migraine. Which feels suspiciously like listening to your music.  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

First Episcopal Church of Kenny Rogers

We're pretty sure that's what this image is from. It sort of says, "Come, worship me, for I am thy island in the stream. If thoust fail, thou shall have thine face stuck like the dude on the far left."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Kenny Rogers' Evil Tour Rider

A tour rider is sort of a contract an artist sends to a venue, outlining requirements for sounds systems, lights and backstage amenities. The Smoking Gun apparently got a hold of Whitey's tour rider and discovered some interesting stuff:
So, it's safe to say there will be no Kenny Rogers Roasters served?

Fact: If Kenny doesn't get a deli tray, he turns into a warewolf. So long, front row.

Some other interesting demands the Smoking Gun missed, that we tracked down were:
(6) Vestal Virgins [Preferably women, but narwhals will do].
(1) Full catalog of Kenny's albums, spread on a king size bed.
(4) Orphans. [Kenny is strict that no more than (2) will be cute. The remainder MUST be sad and/or homely].
(1) Adult-sized coffin.
(0) Cloves of garlic.
(0) Wooden stakes. 
(0) Angry villagers.